


Santa Baby

by MaskoftheRay



Series: Merry Angstmas 🎄 [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Bruce Feels, Bruce Wayne Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Left at the Altar, Lovers To Enemies, Sad Bruce Wayne, Sad Ending, Song fic- kind of, The wedding that never was, Tragic Romance, Unhealthy BatCat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 12:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21817849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaskoftheRay/pseuds/MaskoftheRay
Summary: Bruce and Selina through the years. All their meetings, their fights, their break ups, their romance. Batman and Catwoman during their long game of catch-me-if-you-can. All their encounters, their clashes, their interactions, their disagreements. Despite all these things, Bruce loves Selina still. And he thinks that she loves him.The only problem is, Bruce forgot that Catwoman’s first love isherself.
Relationships: Batman/Catwoman, Past Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne - Relationship, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne
Series: Merry Angstmas 🎄 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571173
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	Santa Baby

**Author's Note:**

> This one is slightly more experimental? I rewrote the song too, but (hopefully) it should have the same tune as the original. Also, this is an amalgamation of canon, so no, it does not belong in any one universe.

**1.**

Batman, baby, just stole a sapphire— plundering’s fun for two

been an awfully bad girl

Batman, baby, so can you hurry down to the precinct tonight?

The first time Batman saw Catwoman, she was breaking into a store in the Diamond District. She had a bag of sapphires around her waist, and a jeweler’s eyepiece held up to her goggles. Catwoman took one look at Batman, and said, “Me-_wow_. Hello, handsome. You must be the Bat.” Bruce nearly swallowed his tongue, and didn’t manage to catch her that night. Or the next... or that one night the following week.

**2.**

Batman, baby, took a ‘54 carat diamond too, light blue,

I won’t wait up for you, dear,

Batman, baby, so hurry down to the precinct tonight.

It was the night of Mary Rachel Cavendish’s Christmas gala, and her aunt’s vintage 1954 blue diamond necklace had gone missing. Having already faced off with a _certain cat burglar_, Batman had his suspicions about who might’ve done it. But she was long gone by the time he arrived on-scene, and, furthermore, she’d left him no clues. Much to his annoyance.

**3.**

Think of all the fun I’ve missed

think of all the felony charges that I resist:

next year I could be just as good.

He was sick the next time he ran into Catwoman— literally _ran into _her. Bruce had been busy watching all of Maroni’s and Falcone’s men for the past two weeks, which meant he’d been caught in Gotham’s fall rains. Now he was paying for it. Batman had been about to call it a night when he spotted her near-invisible body on the rooftop across the street, and gave chase. She’d spun at the last minute as he glided onto the roof and Bruce had had too much momentum to slow down. “Ooof. Geeze, Bat, you might want to cut down on the saturated fats. You’re pretty heavy, dear,” she said breezily. But she helped him up anyway, and even emptied out her bag just so he could see that she had no stolen goods.

**4.**

Batman, baby, I want a Seurat and really that’s not a lot;

been an anti-heroine all year

Batman, baby, so hurry down to the precinct tonight.

Gotham, despite its rough reputation, _did _have culture. The Gotham Art Museum, in fact, was hosting a French impressionist exhibit. This meant more work for Batman, as the multi-million dollar paintings would be sure to lure in potential thieves (i.e. Gotham’s own _renowned _thief). And Bruce wasn’t wrong— he rarely was, despite what Alfred claimed— because he caught Catwoman trying to sneak out of the skylight with a Seurat painting. He got the painting, but not the perp (or the small pair of watercolors she’d also apparently stolen).

Later that month, an anonymous donation was made to the Gotham Animal Society— specifically to their feline wing— and Batman, of course, was interested.

**5.**

Brucie, honey, one thing I really do need, the CCV

to your platinum card

Brucie, baby, so hurry down with the champagne tonight.

Selina Kyle was quite possibly the most stunning woman Bruce had ever seen, and he had seen _plenty_ of women. But she was more than her looks— Selina held the wickedest tongue Bruce had ever faced off with, the most clever and expressive eyes, and she wasn’t cowed by his money. If anything, he had to work harder to impress her _because of it_. For their first date, he bought a $500 bottle of champagne. But she ordered a glass of red wine after taking only one sip.

**6.**

Brucie, cutie, fill my apartment with a Duchamp and Rolex;

put your heart on the line.

Bruce, cutie, hurry down to dinner tonight.

For their first Christmas together, Bruce convinced the Metropolis Art Museum to let him and Selina have a private viewing of their Duchamp exhibition— on loan from Paris— because he knew she was an art lover. Later that night, in bed, he gave her a small box. “What’s this?” she asked. Bruce just smiled. She was delighted by the Rolex watch— red, her favorite color, of course— and said, hesitantly, “Thank you, Bruce… but I— I don’t have anything as _fancy _for you.”

_That’s fine. I have _**_you_**, he didn’t say.

“Selina, I…” _I think I love you_. “It’s fine. Whatever you’ve gotten me is enough.”

**7.**

Come and trim my idle time

with some social invitations written in calligraphy—

I really do believe in you.

Catwoman had been inactive for months, and then, suddenly— “Why are you back? I thought I told you to stay off the streets.”

“Well, Bat, not everyone can _afford_ to abide by your little rules.” Bruce sighed. It’d been nearly _three years _of this chase. Enough. He reached out to grab her, but, per usual, Catwoman slipped through his fingers. Bruce went home to an empty bed (which _was_ unusual; Selina stayed over most of the time now). He sat in the dark and thought.

The next morning, Selina called. “I… I’m _sorry_, Bruce. But I can’t do this anymore.”

That night, he caught Catwoman and saw _her face_.

**8.**

Let’s see if you believe in me.

Brucie, baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring

I don’t mean on the phone.

Alone. He ate alone (when he ate at all). He worked alone in his large, lonely office at Wayne Enterprises. He patrolled alone. He slept alone. Bruce _was_ alone. Selina was in prison— 18 months only, somehow— and the last she’d seen of him (either as Bruce or Batman) was him on his knees on that rooftop as she was led away in handcuffs on the street below. He knew this because, as the cops led her away, she looked up, searching for _him_.

Bruce was alone, until he wasn’t.

She slipped into his bed one night, and he hadn’t been expecting it, had been too _tired _from patrol to really react other than a confused-sounding grunt. Then, when she’d said, softly, “Hello, Bat. Can we talk?” he had stilled. She hadn’t moved.

Bruce had blinked sleepily, and said, feeling _dirty _and _needy _all the while, “In the morning. Stay.”

**9.**

Brucie, baby, so hurry down the altar tonight

hurry down the altar tonight

hurry, tonight.

He asked Selina Kyle to marry him exactly eight years after they’d first met. She said _yes_. She said yes, to a life with Bruce, with his children— and all the Wayne family’s issues. She had said, yes, I want to bind myself, legally, and spiritually, to _you_, Bruce Thomas Wayne, and after, he’d cried. Bruce… Bruce hadn’t expected to find _anyone_, so to have her— it was more than he could have ever hoped for.

On the day of, Bruce waited at the altar. He waited in his best suit— the one both Alfred and Clark had approved of— waited with bated breath for his beautiful bride to arrive. And she never did. _And she never did_.

The last trick Catwoman ever played was on Bruce, because she’d stolen his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> “Santa Baby” is by Joan Ellen Javits, Philip Springer, and Tony Springer.
> 
> You can listen to Eartha Kitt’s version [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk_GmhD053E).


End file.
